Well, folks it's been a bit since I updated.  Been a little down lately It's been over 100 days since Dave made his final landing and I will say it doesn't get easier.   Most days are good but sometimes there are just little things.  
We are doing well, fighting the upper respiratory stuff like everyone else is  If this weather would just make up it's mind.  Keeps everyone on their toes.
This is going to be a bit different of a post.  Don't hear me complaining but...I have made a discovery in the last couple of months and that is that I have lost the heart to pray about things concerning myself and decisions I feel necessary.  I am being tossed by the wind here and there and not getting anywhere.  Praying for others is okay but for self things I am more in a complaining attitude than gratitude attitude.  Dave was pretty much the decision maker in our life.  He would say it was going this way and that's pretty much how it went.  Right or wrong that's how it was.  He was the basic bread winner of our family and I always felt he deserved things the way he wanted.  He would sometimes listen to my thoughts and consider them but he had the final say in stuff.  Hence, my dilemma now.  I need to know about decisions.   I really need some discernment about a couple of things but I don't have the heart to pray about them.   I keep hearing that God's grace is sufficient.  Trust HIM.  Let him lead but I'm not doing my part.  I covet your prayers on this.
This situation reminds me of a bit when we returned from across the pond.  While we were gone loads of folks prayed for our safety, direction, witness and all that was involved in that.  When we returned Dave and I both could feel the prayers of others were not as they had been before.   Now again, I feel this.  Not that I should need the prayers of others but it really helps.  While Dave was sick I had loads of folk text, send cards, call and even stop by.  I had contact with people, even if it was just to say hello and leave them to visit.  Now,  I am hesitant to open a new chapter of my book and I am not sure which book to open and I am really in turmoil   I NEED SOMETHING TO KEEP ME BUSY.  To occupy my time.   Reading and studying is even difficult at times.  I know that idle hands are the devils playground.   And that when we seek we shall find.   The Lord is my shepherd.   He's my peace in the midst of the storm but...You get my point.
SO friends, my thoughts for the new year are now close at hand.  I need to be occupied for HIS GLORY.  TO FOLLOW WHERE HE LEADS.  I just don't know where HE IS LEADING.  I do covet your prayers on this.  Any verses you would like to add in the comments is great but mostly I need to have a change of heart.  It is becoming calloused and hard.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.   I know it's more of a venting but at this joyous season of the year  we need to be thankful and filled with gratitude for what our LORD did for each of us.  He sent his only son to live on the earth and then to die for us.   If HE was willing to do this what am I willing to do for HIM?

Below are 3 photos  2 of Dave and his buddy ADAM - Sau Mei teaching him about Cabelas
Then drinking coffee at the Mountain Café.
The last one is of him looking out over Denali on our trip to AK.   Wonder what he's thinking today.  About coffee, Sai Mei or just enjoying heaven and waiting for all of us to join him.

Thanks again for reading.  Sorry it's a bit of complaint but that's what is on my heart today.  Enjoy the blessed Christmas season and be thankful for that tiny baby that was born.

JUDY