Unlike most other cancers you hardly ever hear about it, it comes in silently and kills with a quickness and cruelty unmatched by other cancers. With glioblastoma particularly it is incurable. The options of those diagnosed are to go quickly to death or subject themselves and their loved ones to treatments that are almost more violent and cruel than the cancer itself. Treatments that will at the most get them 14mos. of life and will most likely steal their mobility, personality and quality of life. Their brains are frequently ravaged by seizures and swelling while the brain tissue slowly dies from round after round of radiation treatment. Less than 5% of those diagnosed live to see 5 years, while most survive 6-14mos. Those who are so "lucky" will subject themselves to multiple treatments, continual tests and a constant waiting in fear for the inevitable day that the dormant monster that is glioblastoma claims their life. This disease shows no mercy based on age or gender. It affects men, women, adults, children, rich and poor. The person diagnosed with glioblastoma often requires 24hr care making it impossible for either person to work. The simplest of tasks requires planning and preparation. No matter what treatment choices are made chances are you will lose your loved one piece by piece a little bit each day as the cancer and treatment ravage their brains. Doctors can be of some help but even the best of doctors are bewildered by this ever changing and mutating cancer that becomes resistant to even the treatments that work in the beginning, always changing and evolving to continue to grow. If 1 more person becomes aware of this disease and 1 more person donates to a cause that helps support it than maybe someday there can be hope.
Most of you reading this know this is what my husband, Dave, had. On July 16, 2017 when Dave was acting strange, sleeping a lot, suffering from headaches, and walking as if he had perhaps had a partial stroke I had NO IDEA. I had never heard of Brain Cancer or even a brain tumor for that fact. I argued with him until July 25th at 0900. At that time, after having our automobile inspected, I gave him the choice as to where we would go to next - left, crossing the Ohio River ( which meant I was taking him to MMH ED. Or to the right - and thus going back home. He told me to decide. The rest if history. I took the left turn and went to the ED at Marietta Memorial Hospital. Once we informed them of the headaches and funny speech, they immediately ordered a head CT. Within 30 minutes of being checked by the doctors and the CT being ordered we were informed that there was a mass on his brain. There was surgery needed and this could possibly be a cancerous situation. We were told surgery could happen there or he could request to be transferred to someplace. He chose the James Cancer Center at OSU, Columbus, OH. With not knowing what this was Dave, and I also, felt it was better to be there at a larger facility in case of...
We were not aware of the complications of transferring to another facility. They need to send your test results to the facility and a physician there MUST accept you, which happened within 8 hours, THEN there needs to be a bed for you. Request was sent and we waited. On July 27th at 2145 I received a phone call that there was a bed and the ambulance was on the way. I dressed, informed our daughter what was happening and proceeded the 15 minute drive to the hospital. I followed the ambulance to Columbus and got him set up in his room and grabbed about 2 hours of sleep before the surgery team came to speak with us. Because Dave had been taking baby aspirin as a preventive for heart issues, the doctor needed to wait 7 days to get this out of his system as it could cause much bleeding danger in brain surgery. This surgeon also added another day just as a precaution since not everyone has the same system. The next week was filled with loads of information being presented to us and loads of decisions made. Papers needed to be signed and many things taken care of. The surgery team had informed us that they were pretty sure this was a GBM4. A WHAT??? This was a word we had never heard. We began drinking from the fire hose and tried to take in at least 25% of what we were told. The team repeated the same information for the next 7 days making sure we were as sure and positive as we could have been. WOW!!! What now???
Dave stayed positive and we took many walks around the hospital ( If you ever need brain surgery and are near OSU their staff is super at The James) Surgery day was hectic I was very blessed to have Dave's 3 brothers join me, good friends from Belpre, Oh, Dave's cousin and his wife from DFW area, and some super freinds from RVA. And I'm sure I've forgotten someone but I was very blessed. Surgery only took 4 hours instead of the planned 5 1/2 but still the news was as the surgeon had predicted GBM4 but he had to wait for the biopsy to come back. Here is a photo of the incision
Why am I writing this now, well, Life's difficult and life's hard. Saturday will be 3 years since we received the news. It was the day before my birthday also. I've been not doing a good job of doing whatever it is I'm supposed to be doing. I've sort of stagnated and had a few pity parties for myself. But to be honest I've become a complainer and whiner. But God has been most gracious. I spent a couple of months singing Michael W Smith's song about finding my place in this world. I've even spent some time wondering why God allowed this precious man to be taken. We still had plans and had given up 4 years of our retirement assisting caring for our youngest grand daughter. Why??? Why? WHY??? I've struggled I won't lie. I was a military spouse who survived deployments and cruises and various other things military spouses have to do. I've also survived Dave being away 24-27 days a month when he worked in MO and we resided in WV. BUT this is different. I need a purpose I need to find my sweet spot. I'm not somebody's mom or somebody's wife, I'm ME. And what makes me tick??? I'm not sure but I do know that my GOD is still right there with me He has stayed beside me I'm the one who has moved away. He's there all I need do is ASK. I have a friend in VA who has been writing a blog about the unexpected loss of his lovely wife It's been a great encouragement. https://facinglossblog.com/blog/
NOW To start out again. As I approach another birthday and another anniversary of the diagnosis,and in a month the 2nd anniversary of Dave's entrance into heaven, t's still difficult. This year we would have been married 50 years and a lot of my friends are posting photos and enjoying things and that's difficult. I still ask why? But I'm learning to trust. Now if I can learn to pray a bit more and step out in faith on things.
Thanks for taking the time to read. Pray for those who have lost spouses to GBM4, I'm in a FB group of over 1100 wives around the world. Dave was 70 some of these gentlemen are in their 30s.
It's difficult watching your loved one just slowly slow down and deteriorate and they don't realize. Dave was very very positive through all of this. Now if I can be as positive without him.
Love all of you. Judy
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